A Bitter Sweet Day

Today was the last day of school…. I was filled with mixed emotions. Usually at the end of the year I'm sad to say goodbye to my students. This year I knew it wasn't goodbye, but rather a "See you in September!" A very strange feeling. I told some of my parents I would be looping with their kids and they seemed excited and grateful.

I think it's hard not only to be switching grades but to know someone else is going to be in "my room." Someone who may or may not care about the room like I did. I did my best to keep everything in order, keep things clean and neat and like new… I can't say that someone else will take the same pride in the stuff that's in that room like I did and that makes me sad.

My kiddos only had a half day so I spent the rest of the day doing some last minute cleaning. I swept the floor, wiped down the tables, and made sure the last of my stuff was in the closets of my new room. I assessed the damage checked out what was awaiting me in my new room and took some pictures to help prepare for the upcoming year.

I think I'm still in shock that after all these years I'll no longer be teaching Kindergarten. Even our Math coach was a bit surprised. She felt bad because I spent the last two months putting together as many Math centers and activities for our program as I could. Now I get to start all over again!

It really hit me today when I turned around one last time at the door of my classroom and turned off the lights (I waited for the sad music to start playing like in the movies… it didn't but it should have!)

It's All Changing - Again

Kindergarten, my passion, my love, where my heart is… for 8 years I have taught kindergarten. I have been in two different schools. I have taught 2 different ELA programs, 2 different phonics programs and 3 different math programs. I have felt empowered. I continue to learn each year trying to make myself better. I have done research. I have read books. I have scoured the internet and blogland for information, activities and programs to try with my students. I have worked hard to establish myself as a well respected kindergarten teacher who others can come to for advice. And now… now it will all change….

When we return to school in September I will not be in my classroom that I have called home for two years. I will not be with my kindergarten team whom I have come to love. I will not be holding the hands of little ones who have never been to school before and showing them the way. I will not be hugging parents promising that their child's first year of school will be enjoyable and that they will learn new things and grow. All that I know will not be anymore in September.

I'm no stranger to change. At the conclusion of the 2012-2013 school year I packed my things one last time and said goodbye to the school I called home for 6 years. I needed a change, it was no longer the right place for me. I could not grow, or shine there any longer. Where I landed surprised me from an affluent successful school to a lower income title one failing school… and yet I shine. I love going to work. I have the freedom to try new things and even if they fail I am given permission to try again. It's ok to try and fail as long as I learn and move forward. It is exhilarating knowing that as long as I can show logic and reason and prove how something may benefit my students I can try anything I want (within reason of course!) From this I know change can be good. Change can be exhilarating. Change can be challenging. Change can be rewarding. Change can be scary. Change can be good!

Keeping this mantra in my mind and heart I have spent the past week packing my classroom. Putting 8 years of Kindergarten materials in boxes. I watch as someone else comes in my room daily and moves her stuff in, my heart sad as I know she will have my job in September. She will be the first teacher some of the incoming students will have. She will set the tone for their learning. I will not be going far but I will not be the one preparing students for the roller coaster of school.

Next year I will be looping to first grade. I will be with my students again, and a few new ones. I am scared. I am excited. I am terrified. I am looking forward to new challenges and a new adventure. I am sad that I will not be in kindergarten any longer (or at least for the upcoming year…). I am overwhelmed. I am mad that all the time I've put in to organizing and making the curriculum work for me, all the binder I've made and the focus walls I've typed are now going to sit in storage not being used. I am frustrated that I have to redo all that work. I have to type everything again for a new grade. I am excited because I can continue to grow and learn as an educator. I am looking forward to new challenges. I am hopeful. I am on an emotional roller coaster. Some of my fellow kindergarten teachers are looping with me, which brings me great comfort. I am looking forward to working with them again. I am sad to leave behind my other colleagues. We may have had our differences but we balanced each other out. We respected each others opinions. We yelled at each other like siblings do. We hugged each other on rough days and laughed together. We shared our families. We shard our lives. While I'm only going upstairs I know that the two colleagues I will be leaving behind won't be in my room daily to share the small moments any longer. I know when teachers change grades somehow bonds that seem so strong aren't as strong any longer.

The year hasn't ended and yet my mind is already focused on the fall. Since I am looping I know that I won't need to spend a lot of time going over the basics. My students know me - good or bad we know each other. Some of us work well together, others, well, we are working on it. I've got my classroom management down and won't need to spend hours upon hours teaching and reviewing my expectations. I will continue my guided reading and centers. I will need to find new ways to rotate and new ways to implement my centers as the room I'm moving in to is much smaller with individual desks not shared tables. I had planned to revamp my guided reading next year - I was looking to read more about the Daily 5 and begin to implement the program. I will continue with this plan… but now instead of learning and implementing one new program I will also have to learn an entire new Math, ELA, Phonics, Science and Social Studies curriculum. I have started to plan. I have started to recreate the focus walls I so painstakingly spent hours making for kindergarten. I will spend my summer getting ready for the fall. I will spread it out over two months so hopefully when the fall comes I will not be too overwhelmed.

It's Never Too Late

We are coming towards the end of the school year… Only two months left to go… and yet I find myself revamping and redoing my entire curriculum! When something is broken you don't just leave it be and let it sit there broken, taking up space… NO, instead you find a way to fix it or throw it away. That my friends is what I have decided to do.

Let me give you a little refresher… I was on leave for the first two months of school (gasp!!) I know EXACTLY what you are thinking, and you'd be correct. I came back in November to a giant mess!!! And I mean a M-E-S-S!!! While my kiddos were safe, and loving school, there were no expectations set for them, well at least not up to my standards. So for the two months of school I had to "retrain" my little ones on how to do EVERYTHING - from how to unpack, no we do NOT hand the teacher each paper out of our backpacks one at a time, to review bathroom rules - no we cannot all go to the bathroom every ten minutes. It was quite the uphill battle and I'm still facing some struggles now at the end of the year but each day we are getting better, we are learning more, and we are becoming smarter! Another unique characteristic of my little class is that 21/25 of my students are seen by the ELL teacher four days a week. Because I have such a high number of students who receive services I work closely with the ELL teacher and she typically pushes in once a day… at times she will pull my most struggling students out to work in a smaller group in a quiet setting.

That being said I realized after our second benchmark assessments for the year that my kiddos just weren't making the grade, so to speak. I found this both disappointing and frustrating! Most peoples first reaction might be to blame my circumstances - well you missed the beginning of the year, you work in a Title 1 school with high needs students, the majority of your students don't speak English as their first language and most of their families cannot read, write or speak English so there is little help and support at home. And yes, in some respects they would be right. But it's too easy to place blame elsewhere. SO I sat and I sat and I sat and I thought and I thought and I thought some more… I was at a loss… what can I do, how can I change this. This my friends, is where the blogging world was my biggest resource! I started scouring the Kindergarten blogs to see what everyone else was doing and I started reaching out to other Kindergarten teachers for advice. My greatest source of help immediately was Mr. Greg over at The Kindergarten Smorgasboard. THANK YOU MR. GREG!!! Not only was he patient and kind in answering my questions his advice to purchase the book The Next Step In Guided Reading was AMAZING! I can't sing his praise enough. I took this book and I have made it my most prized possession (for now!)

After reading the book I then got down to making literacy centers. They aren't perfect and they are a work in progress but they are something, and the kids are independent at them!! So to me that is a major plus! Using this book I began my guided reading… well, let me just say that my kiddos have LOVED the new curriculum. They are enjoying meeting with me at least once a week (I'm working on managing my groups and my time better to meet with them two or three times a week - I CAN DO IT!!) and I'm seeing such positive changes in them. They are beginning to develop a love for reading. They are feeling empowered because they are completing their centers on their own.

You'd think with two months left of the year I'd just keep going the way I'm going since things are running smoothly… if you believe that, then you don't know me very well! Now that I've got a decent handle on my guided reading I'm on to make my centers even better. For this I've reached out to Marsha at A Differentiated Kindergarten. First off she already has amazing centers that she makes and sells, but again I found someone who has been patient and kind and willing to share her knowledge. I am currently reading EVERY (yes I said every) post she has written about Daily 5. Not to mention on my wish list to purchase next is the Daily 5 book. My goal is to hopefully get at least one, if not two of my 5 independent centers differentiated by the end of the year. I'm also working to get a sensory station up and going in the next week or two! I cannot wait for this, and Marsha was my inspiration. I went out on a limb this past week and asked if I could try one out. I didn't get a two thumbs up, but I did get a give it a try and I'll come see what it's about… for me that's good enough! (At my former school a sensory bin would have been frowned upon!)

I've gotten so push back from some people about the logic of changing so much so close to the end of the year. But here's my logic - 1) Don't these kids deserve to get the best I have to offer? So if I find something new that I think will help them shouldn't I give it a try? 2) These kids are great and they are flexible, they adapt well, and they understand the ideas of how to work in centers - so why not try new things with them? I'm not talking about totally changing their centers - but rather make them differentiated!

And guess what - while some teachers might be shocked at the thought of changing so much so close to the end my administration is smiling! They are loving it! They have given my their blessings. They come in often to see what I'm doing and are hoping to have others come and visit me too! I'm no expert yet, but that is my goal! I'm hoping to be the best I can be and expand my knowledge and learning even more to better help my students succeed!

I'm looking forward to continue my adventures of centers and guided reading - and hopefully, eventually daily 5… (I do know I need to work on getting certain supplies, like items to use for listen to reading, guess I'll be looking in to Donors Choice soon)…

Culture Shock and Donors Choose

I've been at my new school so far for 5 whole days! Three days were designated as unofficial set up days, and 2 days were official meetings and set up days. Everyone warned me that switching to this school would be a change... and they were 100% right, but the changes are in unexpected and surprising places!

Lets start with my room - it's HUGE!! I have two double door coat closets for the kids. Then I have two single door teacher closets. One with shelves and the other is more of a coat closet. I also have cabinets about my sink. I have a teacher desk (WOW! Haven't had one in years!) and a small 2 drawer file cabinet. I also have more book shelves than I know what to do with (no I'm not complaining because I am certain by the end of the year they will be filled to capacity!) I have 6 kiddie tables in the room and theres room to spare! I have a small round table for conferencing and a small extra desk for my computer. Did I mention that I have 12, yes 12 bulletin boards!?!?! Oh and 2 more in the hallway! Do you know how hard it was to cover all of those boards and figure out what to put on them? I still have one blank board and I have no idea what I'm going to put on it!!! The stores are all out of sets I like so that board will have to wait another week or two.

Another huge change - the atmosphere. Everyone seems so relaxed and happy at this school. Yes I realize the kids haven't come in yet and that feeling may change but for now... it's a warm, inviting, relaxed atmosphere. Even the administration have been warm, welcoming and helpful! One of our AP's actually helped me hang bulletin board paper on my hallway boards! I don't think in a million years I would have ever expected that! This same AP has made it a point to remind me that in this school I wont have to walk on egg shells or look over my shoulder wondering if I'm going to make a mistake. He has reminded me over and over again, make a mistake, so what! Learn from it, move on (and never make that same mistake again! HA!) I'm loving this philosophy! They also believe that the weekends, holidays, etc. should be family time... leave your work at the door and go enjoy your family. What an opposite feeling than my other school where the admins would have loved for teachers to stay at least 2 hours extra every day to do work every day of the week! I can feel the tension and stress starting to slip away, the uneasy feelings I used to have of being afraid to try new things slowly disappearing. The eagerness and excitement of a new year is gradually sinking. I'm actually looking forward to a new school year!

The last big change has been a bit of a shock for me. At my old school we were spoiled (I didn't realize this until the last few days). Anything we wanted for our classrooms we got - you need chart paper, no problem, scissors, pencils, markers, pens, computer paper, construction paper, copies, colored copies, books for your library, math manipulatives... we even had laptops to bring home and use for work as well as classroom printers. I spent very little money on my own supplies for my old school - the philosophy was anything in the building should belong to the school not the teachers. Don't get me wrong I bought bins and posters and rewards and fun stuff.... but the necessities were always given to us. Not so much now... I've already spent a couple hundred dollars and I'm no where near ready for Monday! I've had to buy every single supply that you can imagine - chart paper, teacher scissors, staples, tape dispenser, I even have to purchase notebooks for my kids! (Insert shocked face!) This weekend alone to get ready for the kids coming in Monday I need to go buy at least 10 (probably more) baskets from the dollar store for my library which is unleveled and all stacked in piles (did I mention I have to level the entire library on my own time! What a job that is going to be!) I also need to locate a ones, tens, hundreds pocket chart for counting the days in school, I need bins to organize pencils, crayons, scissors, glue, table top bins.... then I need to purchase a ton of ink for my home printer as I will be printing like a mad woman this weekend so I can finish my bulletin boards and have my first day of school papers ready! We can't get everything copied so I'll be paying for copies this year.... which leads me to a question - Donors Choice... has anyone every requested anything? How does it work? Could I request help for the basic supplies I need for my kids (you know like the notebooks, a classroom sharpening, etc?)

I may be spending a LOT more money than I ever intended to for my classroom - but I'm hoping the payoff of working in a nurturing, caring, loving, fun environment is what I will get! I'm excited to see what the year brings and can't wait to meet all my kiddies on Monday!

And So It Begins....

Yesterday was the first chance I had to go and visit my new school since I was hired. To be honest, when I started the process of interviewing at new schools I was a bit overwhelmed. The thought of leaving the comfort of my old school was scary, not to mention I hated the idea of leaving all my friends... but there comes a time when everyone needs to move on, and this was my time. When I interviewed at my new school I asked few questions and didn't even look around the school because I honestly didn't think the interview went that well and I wasn't convinced I would get the job. Silly me! After being offered a full time Kindergarten *YAY* position I realized how foolish I was and spent the whole summer wondering what exactly my new school would be like.

Well yesterday I finally got the chance to stop wondering and actually see it. It a relatively new building so that means AC in every room (WAHOO!) and new furniture. My new classroom was imaculate. I have NEVER moved into a classroom that was that cleaned out before. I'm not sure yet if the teacher left the building or moved to a new room, I'll have to find out today. Either way I want to thank her! She did an amazing job cleaning up and cleaning out the classroom. She was kind enough to leave up her bulletin board paper incase I didn't feel like changing it. I'm still undecided about that. Last year I put up fabric using liquid starch but I'm afraid that might ruin the brand new boards and I sooo don't want to do that my first year at my new school, even thought I REALLY want to cover my boards in fabric!!

What shocked me the most about my new school was that they collect the library and math supplies before summer break... so literally the room is completely empty! They wont be handing out the classroom libraries until next week!! Not knowing how many books I have or math supplies it's hard to decide how to set up my book shelves. Another thing that took me by surprise is how many supplies the teachers have to supply. I guess I was spoiled in my old school.... my former principal believed that anything that entered the building should be property of the school so he supplied us with A LOT - down to pens, pencils, dry erase markers/erasers, scissors (for teachers), various kinds of tape and dispensers, staplers, etc. I had to go out yesterday and purchase a stapler, tape dispenser and good teacher scissors for the first time... only to get home and realize I forgot to purchase dry erase markers and a desk organizer for these supplies! Guess I'll be going back to Staples for the 5th time!

Yesterday I spent the day wiping down the shelves in all the closets and organizing the few items the previous teacher had left... todays job - BULLETIN BOARDS! I have so many and I am a bit overwhelmed but I know I'll get it all together and LOVE having so many beautiful boards!! I'll be sure to post some pictures of the before and after later this week.

Confessions #Kinderblog13

I've decided to spend my summer taking the #KinderChat blog challenge and today is the official first challenge! This year the challenge is focusing on one word, todays word: confessions.

Hold on to your hats because I'm about to confess all the crazy things you never knew about me and probably didn't want to know! Happy reading!

Let's start with a silly confession from my childhood:
As a kid I HATED when my crayons weren't sharp and pointy. If they broke or the paper was torn I would be devastated! What did this result in? Me hoarding crayons - I mean hundreds of crayons because I would only use them for a short time so that they would always be sharp and pointy... what happened to this collection of crayons? Well Hurricane Sandy taught me a very quick lesson about hoarding crayons - DON'T DO IT! Unfortunately my collection of slightly used crayons was trapped in a desk drawer at my parents house under 2 feet of water, sewage and oil. I can proudly say that I threw those crayons out and now I let me daughter break her crayons, smash her crayons and love her crayons until they are itty bitty teeny tiny pieces! I'm so proud of myself!

I have a shopping confession:
Most people women love to shop for clothes, shoes, handbags, etc. and I have plenty of friends who can shop until they drop and buy and buy and buy... I can't do it. I really don't like shopping that much. Clothes and shoes are so hard to find for me that shopping becomes quite frustrating! BUT I do have one shopping addiction - school supplies, especially from the Target Dollar Bins! Yeah I tend to over buy and then I never know what to do with the stuff I purchase so it sits in a box or a bag or the floor of my office collecting dust! (I'm hoping that all changes this year! I'm hoping that the new school I'm in will give me the freedom to use all of those fun supplies and put them to good use!)

Here is my last confession... my teaching confession:
If you read my post from the other day, My Story you know that I am beginning a new adventure in the fall. What you don't know is how terribly hard of a year I had. A while back I read (or saw, not really sure which one it was) an article about how as children we often received a "gold star" for a job well done. It didn't mean you got the highest grade but rather that you were recognized for just doing a good job! The article went on to state that adults need that same type of "gold star" system! I have to say I totally agree. I'm not going to lie, I'm a teachers pet... I always have been. I liked to be at the top of my class, I hated to fail, and I thrived when my teacher's complimented me and told me I was doing good. I HATED when I was called out on anything in front of others, I hated being wrong and I couldn't stand when I didn't get recognized for doing a good job (which is ironic because I was the quietest, shyest student in my class by far!) I haven't lost this desire/need to be at the top, to get that "gold star" but I'm not a very flashy showy type of person. I don't go out seeking recognition, I do my best work quietly behind the scenes but I still like to get the pat on the back when I do show off my work. This year instead of pats on the back I often felt knocked down. I won't get into all the details BUT I often tried new things and was often left feeling weathered and frustrated. I wasn't encouraged or given a "gold star" or an A for effort this year. By the end of the year I was left frustrated, hurt and very discouraged. I was tempted to take a break from teaching... BUT I gave myself a "gold star" and surrounded myself with friends and family who support me and I picked myself up and went out and have hopefully found a new school in which I will be able to earn "gold stars." My fingers are crossed that this upcoming year will be filled with lots of positive experiences and I have learned to make sure I give compliments whenever I can.

My first compliment goes out to all of you reading this - thank you! Thank you for taking some time to read this and share in my experiences!

So there you have it my friends... my confessions! Now what are you going to confession? Leave a comment below and share one of your confessions! :)

The Adventure Begins

Last year at the end of June I was introduced the wonderful world of teacher blogging... I was excited to embark on this new adventure. I couldn't wait to share all that I was doing in my classroom and was looking forward to meeting new people. But things changed this year. I had a very difficult year at my job. While I loved teaching and I loved working with my little ones I was struggling day to day with actually getting myself to work. I no longer enjoyed the environment/atmosphere that I was working in. I was compromising my philosophy and beliefs each and every day to meet the high demands of the curriculum and administration. Yes the children were blooming and thriving and learning a lot... as an educator I was feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and having trouble keeping up with it. After many months of struggling I decided that I needed to do something... I needed to take things into my own hands. I needed to make a change!

So many things in my life were changing - we sold our house, we bought property to build on, we moved in with my MIL... I felt it deep inside that this was the year, this was the time for a change! So I did it! I made phone calls and hunted online and applied for new jobs. I scheduled interviews and emailed administrators to follow up all with the hopes that just maybe the grass would be slightly greener on the other side. Many people thought I was crazy - they said you know your administration, the expectations and the neighborhood - why change. Just suck it up and deal with it... Funny thing about that, the longer you "suck it up and deal with it" the more stressed, anxious and unhappy you become. I could no longer suck it up and deal with it, I HAD to make a positive change for my own sanity!

After 6 years at my school it wasn't an easy decision... but I was a necessity. My interview skills were a bit rusty so I was nervous that I wouldn't do good, but I figured I had to take the chance. First interview was with a Superintendent... OH MY! I was terrified, but it went so well. Unfortunately nothing came of it, which I'm still a bit confused about but for anyone out there going on teaching interviews (at least in NY) that seems to be the way things work. Next up an interview in, well as the principal put it, an Urban neighborhood. I was there for over 2.5 hours and left being told I was in the top two... what a boost to my confidence, however, yet again, I never heard anything from that school again! Again I was a bit surprised to be left hanging but there was no turning back. The next interview was with a school much closer to where I live and again an Urban school in which I was told about 85% of the students have little to no parent involvement with the school. I was there for less than an hour and walked out feeling like I failed... BUT GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?! They called and offered me a Kindergarten teaching position! NO WAY! I couldn't believe it. I was baffled, shocked and super dee-douper excited!! Of course I said yes!!

So here I sit, the whole summer ahead of me and I'm beginning a brand new adventure in September. Today I received a confirmation email stating that I will be reporting to my new school in September. I'm excited, and scared, and hopeful all mixed into one! I'm proud of myself for taking a stand and doing something to better myself. I'm a bit scared because my new school is the exact opposite of what I am used to. Parking is a bit hard and the neighborhood is very different. My old job was in a pretty affluent neighborhood where I'd say almost 90% (if not more) of the parents were fully involved in the school and the children's education. I had tremendous and wonderful support from almost all of my parents each year! My new school has the opposite ratio - most parents aren't involved in their children's education and it is a lower incomer neighborhood. BUT call me silly, call me naive I have that first year teacher feeling that I can change the world! I'm hopeful that with the right atmosphere I can reach out to my new kiddies and their families and truly make a difference!

This summer while I may share many things that I have done I will also begin sharing about my new adventure! Come take the ride with me....

My Story

To help get me back on track with blogging this summer I decided to participate in KinderChat's #Kinderblog13 summer blog challenge. If you want to know more about the challenge check it out here! The challenge officially begins this weekend, however, Amy over at KinderChat decided to post a fun little warm up challenge.... so here is my story in 250 words or less!

What do you do, why do you do it, how do you do it, for how long have you been doing it, where do you do it?
I am a creative, fun, adventurous, crafty, talkative, friendly person! I am a mommy of a 4-year-old girl. I am a wife. I am a Kindergarten teacher in NY. I have been teaching for a total of 8 years now, 2 years as a first grade intervention assistant and then 6 years as a K teacher. I have always known since I was a young child that I wanted to be a teacher. I dream of teaching kinders through a hands on, interactive, small group, print rich, multi-sensory, engaging curriculum. Because of these dreams I have set out on a quest this summer to find a school for the 2013-2014 school year that will allow me to grow as an educator, and share my ideas and visions.

What do you BELIEVE about what you do?
As a teacher I truly believe that all students are unique and special and can learn... however I also believe that there are two very important factors in this - how engaged and open minded the teacher is and how much support there is at home. I believe that while teaching is my passion it is not my life... It is important to put aside my work and make my family a priority when I am home. As a mommy I believe that the best education comes from going out and doing things. Cooking up crazy things together in the kitchen, taking day trips, exploring right outside the front door, taking walks, or just laying on the grass looking at the clouds.

How do you FEEL about what you do?
As a mommy I wish I could do more! I wish there were more hours in the day and I treasure my summers where my daughter gets my attention almost 24/7! I enjoy having this special time to help her grow and learn and spark her creativity. As a teacher I have found myself in a situation that was not a positive one and have taken matters into my own hands! 2013 is the year for change for our family and this includes my career... where the road may go I am not sure but I am excited about this adventure that I am embarking on!

As a Kindergarten teacher I know rules are sometimes made to be broken... and clearly the concept of 250 words or less went in one ear and out the other! I did tell you that I was a talker and I meant it! I'd love to know a little more about you! Why not join in on KinderChats #KinderBlog13 Challenge?!?!